More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different
by Lord Mendasuit
Summary: ... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.
1. Chapter 1

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **1\. Giant Enemy Crab**

The large, heart shaped crab was holding Cure Sword in its pincer, pressing onto her midsection and making her scream in agony, while the two fair haired individuals were laughing cruelly at the sight.

Mana grit her teeth.

Really, she couldn't see a way to help in this situation. She couldn't transform like the fairy had told her to. She couldn't figure out what kind of phrase she'd need to activate her transformation device. Watching Sentai and Kamen Rider hadn't really prepared her for this. Either that, or she hadn't watched enough. Truth be told, she didn't have much in the way of free time to sit down and just watch TV.

However, she HAD, on occassion, played videogames.

And she was now remembering a very common weakness found in crab-type enemies.

She had to do something to help the screaming heroine, anything really, and well, she had no better ideas.

If she was right, then...

* * *

Marmo was laughing as Cure Sword screamed in pain, and she looked even more amused when the normal human began to rush at the corrupted, monstrous human psyche.

The girl seemed to dash under the selfish and egocentric crab's legs and then she just... punched the rounded tip of the heart-shaped creature.

Confused, Marmo blinked.

Her jaw fell when the crab seemed to go all wobbly for a second, relaxing its pincer enough for Cure Sword to just fall out, and waver another second before just falling... what had to be face first... on the roof of the observation deck.

"... The hell just happened!?" Ira screamed, clearly confused.

The human girl grinned and scratched her nose. "It's a Giant Enemy Crab! You hit them on their weakpoint for massive damage!"

"That... did not make any sense," Marmo muttered.

Unfortunately for them, Cure Sword still had enough stamina to get off another Holy Sword attack to purify the corrupted human psyche.

"That was such bullshit," Ira muttered as he vanished.

Marmo silently agreed as she, herself, did the same.


	2. Chapter 2

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **2\. Trust Your Friends**

"... Actually, keeping the secret sounds really, really dumb," Mana said, rubbing her chin as she thought.

"But you'll be putting them in danger, sharu!" Sharuru replied.

"I'm fairly sure that I'd be putting them in even MORE danger if I didn't tell my friends what they could expect. I mean, I did transform right in front of the bad guys. They know who I am. So... if I DIDN'T actually tell people, this could catch them off guard and by surprise, ensuring that they have no way to defend themselves nor are prepared to run away should they need to. If I tell the people I love that I am a PreCure, they'll be able to help and support me, by doing stuff like covering for me when I need to go do my Magical Girl thing, or making excuses for me, or just getting me a secluded spot where I can transform without anyone seeing."

The three fairies blinked. "You know, she's got a point, keru," Raquel said, blinking. "I hadn't thought of it like that."

"I always hear Rikka complaining about dumb magical girls in those animes, she always says that they just cause more trouble by keeping the secret than they fix," Mana said, grinning widely.

"She might be right, lansu," Lance agreed.

* * *

"And that's basically the story as we know it," Mana said.

"It was the most ridiculous and asinine story you've ever told me so of course, it had to be completely true," Rikka said. "Don't I feel like the worst friend ever for not believing you... I mean, it's not like you've ever lied to me before..."

"There, there," Mana said, patting her shoulder, offering her one of the peach dumplings she'd brought over.

* * *

I suppose I should note:

These are NOT in continuity. You'll see discrepancies in character, relationships and an inability to connect them together because they wouldn't make sense.

These are just for fun, so don't think too hard about that.


	3. Chapter 3

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **3\. Bale Has A Smart Plan For Once**

"Normally, I would give you a chance to do this on your own," Bale said, moving the plastic stick of his lolly around his mouth a bit, "but the King is getting impatient and he wants this problem over by yesterday."

Ira growled. "I'll defeat them all at once," he said, throwing the bowling ball as hard as he could at the distant pins, watching with satisfaction as they exploded in different directions.

"Brief me on the situation, Marmo," Bale ordered, turning on the female of the group, who was currently drinking a smoothie through a straw and looking supremely bored.

Sighing in apparent resignation, she did exactly that.

"Let me see if I understand this," Bale began. "You know what your enemies look like when they are not transformed, correct? You know where they attend school, as well," he continued, rubbing his chin. "Tell me, now."

"Well, we know who one of them is," Marmo said, shrugging.

"Tch. You just have to summon an ego, they'll come running for it," Ira said, grabbing another bowling ball and heading towards another lane.

Bale smiled to himself. It wasn't a nice smile.

* * *

Mana's eyes widened.

"Give me your transformation device or she dies," the old man said, his hand tightening its grip on Rikka's neck.

"You- Mana! You can't-"

The old man seemed amused. "This routine never gets old. She's going to tell you not to do it, maybe even plead or tell you she'll hate you forever if you do it. And you will not listen to her and give it to me anyway," he explained. "Then I throw my hostage at you because I have no reason to kill her and we all go on our ways."

"He's... he's right. Nothing you could do or say could convince me not to save you," Mana agreed, looking Rikka in the eye.

Rikka sighed. She understood perfectly well.

So the exchange was made.

"Fortunately for you, being pointlessly cruel is bad for business, especially for the one who is destined to be number one," the old man said, shoving a lolly into his mouth and smiling in a very self satisfied fashion.

The sunglasses wearing old man crushed the Cure Lovies in his hand the moment he had access to it and, with a smile, turned around and left, clearly no longer interested in them.

* * *

Without Mana being Cure Heart, Rikka never became Cure Diamond. Without those two, Alice had no desire to become a Cure herself, for fear of triggering her psychotic rage.

Without Cures Heart, Diamond and Rosetta, Cure Sword was defeated.

Without Cure Sword, Cure Ace never stood a chance.

Neither did the world.

Any world.


	4. Chapter 4

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **3b. Just Beat The Crap Out Of It!**

Rikka sighed. "Mana, the best defense is a strong offense! If you beat the crap out of it, it won't be able to eat the letters! So don't shield the letters, break the goat's jaw!"

Cure Heart blinked. "Huh. You're totally right," she said, shaking her heart.

"Sometimes, I forget just how dumb you actually are," Rikka muttered to herself as Cure Heart did exactly what she told her to do.

Soon enough, she'd purified the mailbox goat.

Eventually, Mana wore down Rikka's patience and got her to transform into Cure Diamond anyway, if only because Mana really wanted to see what she would look like in a PreCure outfit.

Mana was not disappointed.

Rikka was annoyed that she didn't get to wear shorts under her way-too-short dress like Mana did.


	5. Chapter 5

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **4\. Violence is Cool**

 **Or: That One Time Mana Accidentally Turned One Of Her Friends Into A Violent Psychopath**

Mana put a hand on Alice's shoulder. "That was incredible!" she said.

Alice was shaken off her reverie. "Uh... uh what? That... that was really scary, I-"

"You kicked ass!" Mana said, shaking Alice around as she spoke excitedly. "You were all like "You won't disrespect my friends" and then he was like "well what are you gonna do about it" and then you made him eat his own poop, that was sooooo coool!"

Alice blinked, but seemed a bit dazed still. "uh.. ah... thank you?" she said.

"You protected us," Mana said, grinning eagerly. "And that was really cool," she added, seemingly as an afterthought.

Still a bit dazed, Alice smiled, feeling nice warmth all over her body as she looked up at Mana's smile, which seemed to drive away the worries that still remained in her heart. Yeah... even if it was scary... she would fight with all of her heart to protect her friends, to protect their smiles... she'd never allow anyone to hurt her friends ever again!

Even if it was scary... even if she didn't really want to hurt people... she would do it, without hesitation, to protect the people she loved!

* * *

Cure Rosetta had jumped at the chance to help her friends in the same stage as they were. She cracked her knuckles as she approached the Boombox monster. "My name is Cure Rosetta. You hurt my friends. Prepare to die."

* * *

Ira never did tell anyone why he lost control of his bowels every time he saw a clover, but everyone agreed, it was best not to know.


	6. Chapter 6

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **5\. Gotta Catch'em All**

Alice blinked.

Rikka's jaw dropped.

Mana grinned. "See? I told you that it was a wise investment after all!"

"I could've never expected that I would find a reason to actually use this," Alice said, pulling out a small red and white sphere from one of her dress' hidden pockets. "My hat's off to your foresight, Mana-chan, even though I don't usually wear a hat," she added, as she pressed the only button in it and it grew to roughly a little bigger than her palm.

"Is... Is that a pokéball!?" Rikka asked, shocked as she looked at the thing in Alice's hand. "I thought it was a joke when you said you had one!"

"Yes, well, one of our scientists overheard Mana and... well, it was built to prove that we could do it if we wanted to," Alice said, sounding a bit perplexed herself.

The corrupted psyche seemed a bit confused as to why one of the normal humans walked up to it.

Marmo looked on in curiosity.

Then Alice threw the red and white sphere at her.

The giant star that had once been a cartoonish heart turned into red energy and was absorbed into the little ball.

"What."

Marmo and Makoto both distantly knew they'd just echoed the same thought, but neither really thought about the fact that a PreCure and one of the lieutenants of the forces they fought had found themselves agreeing on something.

"It worked. I caught a Staryu!" Alice said, grabbing the ball and lifting it up high, while Mana cheered.

Rikka's palm met her face. "Just... Just release it so we can purify it and be done with this..."

* * *

Later, Makoto warily eyed the Game Boy Advance device in her hands. "... Pocket Monsters, huh..." she muttered to herself.

Dabyi sighed. It'd be hard work trying to keep her idol career from going down the drain. She'd seen several of her coworkers addicted to those things already...

Well, at least it was purple and went well with Makoto's color scheme.


	7. Chapter 7

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **6\. Be Upfront About It**

"Uhm... actually, to be perfectly honest, I don't know how to cook..." Makoto admitted.

Mana smiled. "That's no problem. I can teach you," she said.

The man with the camera rubbed his chin. "Actually, that's even better. Cute girls doing cute, girly things," he muttered to himself. "Okay, change of plans, everybody, we're filiming Makopi learning how to cook!"

* * *

"That's gonna be edited out, isn't it?" Makoto wondered, as she used a napkin to remove the egg from her face.

"Are you kidding? Fans would kill to see this kind of imagery," the cameraman said, giving her a thumbs up. "Go on!"

Shrugging, Makoto returned to Mana's lesson.

* * *

As she was about to wipe her eyes with her onion covered hand, Mana stopped her, shaking her head. "You were about to get onion in your eye. Here, let me," she said, wiping Makoto's hand slowly with a handkerchief and giving her a clean napkin to dab at her eyes with. Makoto thanked her with a warm smile.

"Most of the time, you're going to want to keep one of these in hand," Mana noted, "because getting onion in your eyes hurts. I should know. I've seen Papa crying for hours over it."

Everyone laughed, even Mana's own father, at the thought of the skilled cook ever making such a dumb mistake.

His family, who saw him do it on a regular basis, laughed even harder.

* * *

Alice smiled, shaking her head. "You're too tense. You need to relax," she said. "This isn't a race, you need to be more careful than forceful. Let me show you," she said, "gravity does most of the work."

Makoto nodded and watched as Alice peeled the carrots fairly deftly. Few would ever assume that the Yotsuba heiress would ever dirty her hands, let alone do such a mundane task as peeling carrots.

* * *

Rikka shook her head. "If you use detergent, the taste will be terrible later, and people could get sick," she explained. "You wash the vegetables by hand, slowly and carefully so you don't damage them," she explained. "It's not so difficult with carrots and onions and the like, but with softer, more fragile things like lettuce or other such things, you need to be even more careful than this."

Makoto nodded, taking in the sight as Rikka's hands moved about, skillfully removing all the grime that had become attached to the vegetables.

* * *

"When you're cutting, it helps to have a rhythm on your head so you don't go overboard," Mana noted. "You don't need to hurry, and remember, it's more important to avoid cutting yourself than it is to cut things perfectly," she said.

"So says the girl who's nearly cut the tips of her fingers off more times than I can count," Rikka noted, somewhat sourly.

"Yes, but that was a long time ago," Mana said, waving her hands. "I don't even have the scars anymore," she noted.

* * *

"Visual cues are very difficult, and really, it comes down to practice," Mana noted.

Alice smiled. "Yes, really, most of this eventually becomes second nature and you just do it naturally. It's not something I do often, but it's quite fun to make your own food every once in a while."

Makoto admitted that yes, it was. "It gives me a different perspective, for sure," she added. "I never thought so much went into what we eat daily."

"Well, Mana's father does hundreds of these a day, and so he can whip them out pretty quickly without sacrificing quality," Rikka noted. "I've seen him do large orders."

"I've never seen your grandfather cook, though," Alice noted, looking somewhat curious as she did.

"Eheh... Grandad is... well, there's a reason why he complains so much about my father not being half the man he is," Mana said, scratching the back of her neck. "The pan is ready, by the way, you should pour the egg now," she added.

"Really?" Makoto asked, tilting her head. Given that the man had whipped up a feast earlier for the TV Crew, she wondered how someone could be superior.

"Mana's grandfather doesn't cook very often, but when he does, it's... it's just amazing," Rikka noted.

"He does have much more experience than I do," Mana's father noted as he came in. "How are you doing, girls?"

"We're almost done," Mana noted.

"Hm... you poured the egg in a little early," the man noted, putting the pile of dishes he'd been carrying on the sink and getting started on washing them.

"You could tell?" Makoto asked.

"Yep. I've been doing this for quite a while now, so these days, it's really easy for me to tell. When you're as used to this kind of thing as I am, you tend to skip a few of the safety steps, as well. For instance, sometimes I just stick my finger into the oil or water to check how hot it is," he said. "I've burned my fingers so many times that they're pretty resistant these days."

Makoto nodded. "That's incredible."

The man shook his head with a chuckle. "It's not that big a deal," he said. "Anyway, don't get distracted, the egg can cook very quickly," he warned.

It was then that they noticed he'd washed quite the pile of dishes in a very short amount of time.

"Amazing..." Makoto muttered. "I could never be like that..."

The man chuckled. "Don't say that. Of course you could be," he said, shaking his head. "If you pour your whole heart into it... then no matter what, there's no way you could fail."

"Hm. At least one of my lessons that you've taken to heart," the man's father in law said, as he leant on the doorframe, arms crossed.

Mana's father laughed. "Just you wait. Soon enough, I'll be the master teaching you."

"Yes, and that day, pigs will fly."

"To... pour my whole heart into it, huh..." Makoto said, frowning. "I guess I got a bit too impatient," she said, shaking her head a bit and slapping her cheeks. "You're right."

"If it's something you love, then there's no reason to do anything but give it your all," the old man said. "If you do, then your future will be bright."

Mana's grandfather followed his son in law back into the restaurant proper, where the crew were still eating.

"They're pretty cool when they want to be," Mana said, smiling widely. "Anyway, let's finish this up so we can eat it! I can't wait to taste Makopi's omelet rice!"

* * *

The program was a major hit, and though Makoto WAS approached to make a 'cooking with Makopi' show, she declined. Mostly because her inner fire had been reignited, and she took to the stage with renewed vigor.

Also Ira made an ego shaped like a pig out of the cameraman, who wanted to taste test Makopi's omelet rice, as he said, but that's a story for another time.


	8. Chapter 8

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **7\. Don't Strand Alice on a Parallel Dimension, She Doesn't Take It Well**

"So you basically expect me to do what you tell me to do?" the old guy who still hadn't really introduced himself properly said.

Mana smiled. "Yep!" she replied. "Otherwise, something bad might happen to you."

"... You're seriously threatening me. I can tell you don't have your fairies with you, and even with them, you still would not be able to defeat me as you are right now, not without an extremely convenient bout of good luck at any rate," the old man said. "Something stupid like just happening to hit a mirror that reflects an attack behind me so I don't see it coming or something."

"That'd be ridiculously convenient but unlikely," Rikka said, shaking her head. "We've got a better answer."

"We do?" Makoto asked, somewhat confused.

"Yes. There's always a backup plan," Rikka said. "Also, you will now learn why the Yotsuba Zaibatsu have no deals with the Yakuza."

"Because they're honest?" Makoto asked, tilting her head. "I know, corporations, but Alice seems like a pretty upstanding girl, so-"

"No, they don't have connections to the Yakuza because they don't need the Yakuza," Rikka said, serenely.

"Alice... would you mind changing his mind about letting us out of here?" Mana asked, smiling at her.

Hearing that, Alice sighed. "It really does come to this, doesn't it?" she asked, cracking her knuckles. "Mister Selfish Egocentric Old Man Who Has Quite Rudely Not Introduced Himself, I'd like to ask you to send us, and our friends, back to our world. Otherwise, this may get just a bit messy."

"Don't make me laugh," the Old Man Who Had Quite Rudely Not Introduced Himself laughed anyway, despite saying that, and continued, "You're mere insects-"

However, the fact that he was forced to bend over and the air was driven out of his lungs prevented him from continuing the taunt.

He jumped back, however, and grit his teeth. "You will-"

"I am going to rip your intestines out and use them to make balloon animals, insignificant pest," Alice said, coldly.

* * *

"Dabyi... remind me. Never, EVER, anger Alice. EVER," Makoto said, rubbing her upper arms.

But Dabyi was busy with said balloon animals.


	9. Chapter 9

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **8a. Babies Totes Come From Eggs**

Rikka blinked. "Excuse me, am I the only one who notices that a Baby just hatched from an egg?"

"... Don't they all?" Mana asked, turning around.

Alice blinked. "Daddy did always say the ostrich brought me along when I asked. Perhaps it brought me in an egg?"

"Isn't it supposed to be a stork?" Mana asked.

"Could be, I can't remember very well, and daddy was pretty drunk," Alice answered.

"... Beats me, I never asked," Makoto added, shrugging.

"This can't be real. I can't seriously be the only one who knows where babies come from," Rikka said, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Kyuppi!" the baby cheered.

"Well... we're really curious now. Where _do_ babies come from, if not from eggs?" Mana asked.

* * *

"Oh. OH. Oooooooh," Mana muttered. "... Crap, does that mean that my dream of being Prime Minister and coming to a home with a white picket fence where my suspiciously blue haired wife and kids will receive me with hugs is out?"

"I finally understand why the wife manual that I read had the phrase "or would you rather have me" in it," Alice said, nodding.

"Yes, Mana, that dream's out, we wouldn't be able to have kids-"

"I would not be so sure about that," Sebastian supplied, popping out from a window to the Solitaire. "If that is Alice-sama's wish, then the Yotsuba group will make it a reality."

Alice tapped her fingertips against each other and gave everyone a nasty grin. "Excellent," she muttered, before giggling. "Sorry, always wanted to do that ever since I saw it on TV..."


	10. Chapter 10

**More Than Forty Nine Situations That Could've Gone Different...**

... If all the characters were smarter, dumber or, well, just plain crazier.

* * *

 **8b. Okay That Act Was Garbage**

"You _do_ know that you're seriously not fooling anybody, right?" Rikka asked. "Only an idiot would fall for your act."

"What act?" Mana asked, tilting her head.

Everyone looked at Rikka.

"What? I love her, but Mana's dumb," Rikka said. "As in, dumber than a dumbell dumb. Isn't that right Mana?"

"That's right," Mana said, nodding in a sage like fashion. "But I'm wise enough to know to keep someone smart around to act as my brain," she said.

"That would be me," Rikka said. "I seriously dread the day she runs for Prime Minister, because I know she will win..."

"Don't worry, by then you'll already be my wife and helping me 24/7," Mana said, matter of factly.

"Oh?" Joe asked. "You've decided already, so young? How incredible. I wonder if your little friends would be jealous..."

"Why would we?" Alice asked, tilting her head.

"Would we?" Makoto asked. "I mean..."

Rikka sighed.

"I've got that covered," Mana said, "I've got the greatest plan."

"Harem ending?" Joe asked.

"Harem ending," Rikka confirmed. "Anyway, seriously, you're not fooling anyone else."

"Not one bit," Alice supplied.

"I don't know you at all and even I can tell it's an act," Makoto added.

"We're fairies and even WE can tell," the fairies chorused.

"Kyuppi!" Ai shouted.

"Even Ai-chan, who's a baby, can tell," Mana said, while holding her.

"Oh, man, and I watched so much anime to perfect my 'Strange Mentor' routine! Urahara-senpai will be so disappointed..." the blond said, his shoulder sagging. "Okay, I'm Jonathan Klondike, a knight from Trump Kingdom..."

* * *

"... What in the world was the purpose for hiding that from us? That'd be as dumb as lying to my parents or Rikka or even the school administration about not being Cure Heart. That just creates more problems," Mana said. "I said it right, right Rikka?"

"Right," Rikka said, giving her a thumbs up with her right hand. "Dishonesty is never good for teamwork. Especially if it is about something that someone could use to sow discord among us."

Jonathan sighed. "But it was so fun!"

"For you, maybe," Rikka muttered. "Also while we're on that question... where DID you get the Lovies we used?"

The blond raised a finger and opened his mouth, but then he stopped. "You know, that IS a good question. Where DID I get those Lovies..?"


End file.
